The concept “golden child” or “ black sheep” within a family can significantly shape your identity and emotional well-being. This can be particularly troublesome for women as they transition into adulthood. From a therapeutic perspective, these roles can have profound, often detrimental, effects on your mental health, relationships, and self-perception.
The Concept of the Golden Child
The “golden child” often embodies the family’s ideals and expectations, becoming a source of pride and validation for parents. While this might seem advantageous, the pressure to maintain this status can be overwhelming. Golden children may feel compelled to strive for perfection, leading to anxiety, burnout, and a fear of failure. Therapy often reveals that these women struggle with impostor syndrome. They doubt their accomplishments and fear that they are not as deserving of praise as others perceive them to be. This internal conflict can hinder their ability to embrace their authentic selves. This may cause them to prioritize others’ expectations over their own desires.
Moreover, the golden child may develop a sense of entitlement or difficulty in handling criticism. As adults, these women can find themselves ill-equipped to navigate challenges or setbacks. They often feel devastated by any perceived failure. Relationships can suffer as well, as the golden child may project their high standards onto partners, friends, or colleagues. This often leads to disappointment and conflict. In therapy, they may need to learn how to cultivate self-compassion, set healthy boundaries, and embrace vulnerability.
The Concept of the Black Sheep
Conversely, the “black sheep” of the family often finds herself marginalized or misunderstood. She carries the weight of familial disapproval or neglect. This role can lead to feelings of shame, inadequacy, and rejection. Black sheep may internalize negative beliefs about themselves, leading to low self-esteem and a pervasive sense of not belonging. In adulthood, these feelings can manifest as anxiety, depression, or difficulties in forming healthy relationships.
As a Therapist I often work with women who identify as the black sheep. I can help them unpack the emotional baggage associated with familial rejection. They may struggle with the desire for acceptance while simultaneously feeling the need to rebel against family norms This creates an internal conflict that can complicate their identities. These women might also develop maladaptive coping strategies, such as substance abuse or unhealthy relationships, as they seek to fill the void left by familial disconnect.
Summary
Both roles can lead to a distorted sense of identity, where personal values and aspirations are overshadowed by family dynamics. Women in these situations might grapple with societal expectations regarding femininity, success, and motherhood. For golden children, the expectation to excel can conflict with personal desires for a balanced life. While black sheep may feel pressured to prove their worthiness in a world that seems to reject them.
Therapeutic interventions can be instrumental in helping women navigate these complex dynamics. Approaches such as Neuro Linguistic Programming, Thought Field Therapy and Hypnotherapy can assist in reshaping negative thought patterns. In addition, narrative therapy can empower individuals to reconstruct their personal stories, enabling them to embrace their unique identities outside familial labels. Additionally, group therapy can provide a supportive environment where women can share their experiences and foster connections with others who have faced similar challenges.
Conclusion
Ultimately, recognizing the impact of being labeled as “the golden child” or “the black sheep” is crucial in therapy. By addressing these roles, women can reclaim their narratives, cultivate self-acceptance, and build healthier relationships—both with themselves and others.
Personal Experience
I was always the black sheep in my family. From my earliest memories I was often on the receiving end of my mother’s harsh words and accusations. She took some form of delight in shaming me, shutting me down and making me feel worthless and that I didn’t deserve. This carried on as I grew into my teens and continued as I left home, got married and had my own children. I came to realise that she was a bitter woman and made me ‘pay’ for the pain she had endured as a child herself.
Looking back I can now see very clearly that the poor decisions I have made throughout my life, were all made from who I believed I was and what I believed I deserved. I settled for less than my true worth because I didn’t know any better. I know better nowadays!
When your life is built around false beliefs, low self-worth, feelings of loneliness, disconnection, anger and resentment it’s no wonder you turn to something unhelpful to cope. I coped by becoming a workaholic. Others cope with alcohol, spending money they don’t have, moving homes or jobs or partners frequently or resorting to continually enhancing their outward appearance with which they are never happy. Others slip into depression or experience anxiety or perform obsessive behaviours.
My aim is to help the women I work with to move past coping and towards thriving. To find resolution, peace, authenticity, more confidence and an overall enhanced sense of emotional wellbeing.
If you’re struggling to understand why you feel the way you do and resonate with this blog you may like to Contact me to book a 15 minute FREE phone consultation.
Have a good day x
