Understanding the concept of self-sabotage and how triggers work to keep us feeling stuck is key in helping us move forwards and improve our life.
Our subconscious mind is a stunningly powerful information processor which records all our life experiences. It can play these back to us at any moment by the simple push of a button which we refer to as being triggered. Many people are triggered by the actions and words of others not knowing that their reaction is just a subconscious program to which they have been conditioned.
The subconscious mind operates 95% of our everyday lives leaving just 5% for the conscious self to work with. The subconscious mind has little capacity for artistic expression and runs almost entirely on habits or pre-recorded stimulus responses.
When we learn new things like tying shoe laces, driving a car and getting dressed for example, we first have to consciously learn how to do these things. Then it takes effort and practice Once learned however, the information is transferred to the subconscious mind and we can perform these tasks without thinking. This transfer of information enables us to do more than one thing at a time, one consciously, the other unconsciously.
The programs are installed in us from the environment we are born in to. Our parents, family, teachers and caregivers are the primary source of the programming. We hear them say things like ‘only good children deserve things’, ‘why can’t you be good like your sister/brother’, ‘don’t be so stupid’ and so on. There will be a time while you are enjoying playing with your friends or going out and having fun when someone will make a comment or behave a certain way which will trigger the feelings of ‘I don’t deserve’ ‘I am stupid’ or ‘I am not good enough’. The shame which is often attached to these feelings crushes you and causes a deep sense of loneliness and separation.
I recently had a client who explained how very hurt and upset she was that she had not been asked to be a bridesmaid at the wedding of a long term friend of hers. She spent the best part of a day crying because she was so upset.
My client knew rationally that it was up to the bride who she chose to be her bridesmaids. She also remembered that she had not asked the friend to be her bridesmaid when she got married some years ago. Rationally there should have been no problem and yet she found herself crying and feeling rejected and not good enough.
So why then was my client so upset by this event?
Her subconscious program had been triggered, her button had been pushed her pre-recorded stimulus response had been activated. And here’s where the program was installed….
The relationship my client had with her mother both as a young child and a teenager was such that she continuously felt rejected, abandoned and never good enough. Her mother sadly preferred the company of a narcissistic boyfriend and alcohol over the needs of her own daughter.
When a child is brought up in this environment it’s no wonder their subconscious programming sabotages their mental and emotional health and well being later on in life. It will affect them again and again leaving them feeling completely worthless and thinking there’s something wrong with them. These programs are not just stored in our mind but also as a felt experience in our nervous system. These felt experiences stay with us throughout our lives and unless we address them they will keep sabotaging us when they are triggered.
Interestingly, these subconscious programs which keep us stuck are not even ours! They are formed from the limiting beliefs, fears, shame and hurt which our parents experienced in their formative years and they unwittingly project them on to us. It’s not our parent’s fault though as they have been similarly programmed too.
The good news is that with guidance and help you can learn to replace these old programs with new ones of your choice. You can learn to run your own life from now on and ditch the faulty programs installed by others.
This can be an exciting time to experience personal growth, autonomy, peace and love, things we all crave and deserve!
When we learn to love and be kind to ourselves it opens up our hearts and minds to a whole new world. A world that was there all the time, we just couldn’t see it and didn’t know how to access it!!
I want you to understand that
You’re amazing
You’re beautiful
You’re lovable
Choosing to work with me will help you gain an understanding of the concept of self-sabotage and how your triggers work to keep you feeling not good enough. Please Contact me today to find out how I can help you move forwards.
